Don't Reach My Limits
by Squeaker22
Summary: Dear Diary: I know after I'm done this you will call me the biggest hypocrite ever, but I’m going to write this anyways. (Mary Anne and Logan, Each Chapter Switched POV)
1. Hippocritical Mary Anne's POV

I know after I'm done this you will call me the biggest hypocrite ever, but I'm going to say this anyways.

I know how I said Logan overprotected me. Well I miss that, I felt a little bit safer when he was there, a teeny bit more confident and less shy. Now I'm just Mary-Anne Spier, plain old Mary-Anne Spier. After I lost Logan, it felt like I lost a part of me. When I was with Logan, I felt almost complete. Now I feel less.

I know I said it felt like he wanted to run my life, well my life seemed to function better when he ran it. I always felt like I had someone to confide in. I told him things I haven't even told Kristy. But I don't know why I felt overprotected.

I mean I know he planned what we did, and kind of chose what we did. But the thing is I just felt like I always do. Like they'll reject my ideas, or laugh at me. I mean I just noticed that with him.

He trusted me, and in the pit of my stomach I felt like he didn't. I'm not with him anymore and I trust him more then ever. I wanted to stay friends I know I did. I swear I tried, and I'm sure he did too. But that's just not how it goes. Kristy says I shouldn't waste my time thinking about Logan, but I just need my own ways to get out my feelings.

He was always there, when I was unsure I would goto the memory box and cry because I was so happy. I look at what I have still, a card with burnt edges. Every time I try to think about the good things in life it brings my mind back to the fire.

He was there for me, really. He was there at the fire, and stayed by my side. I still haven't taken it all in, a year later and my memory still floods back to the day. I am always hoping that this is one horrible nightmare and I will wake up, and laugh about it with Logan and my friends. But its not. This is real life. The way it goes.

Other have it better, I know. Life isn't fair, and other just seem to get a bigger slice of joy then me. Except I do have to be happy for things in the fire. We all survived, Me, Dad, Sharon and Tigger. I believe I've lost part of my life in the fire, my soul. After the fire I went through changes, big changes. Sharon just says the fire made me mature more. Maybe its true, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything anymore.

I'm not sure if I'm still the real Mary-Anne Spier. How do I know? Will life send me clues. Reasons for the events. My dad tightened his grip on my life, well Sharon's encouraging him to loosen it. I guess I do have a pretty good life. I have a great family, whom I can tell anything.

In that family I am trusted. The trust is like a bond, you break the trust and you've broken the bond. The bond is really strong, and it mean so much to my dad. My dad, Sharon, and myself.

With Logan, I don't know how I felt, I don't know why I did it. Was it so wrong that he cared so much? If I could tell him how I felt, if it was as easily done as just thinking.. I don't know, maybe all things happen for a reason. Maybe me and Logan just weren't meant to be?

Does fate choose my path. The way I go. Is it not up to me? Did I want the fire to happen, deep down. Was I the one who chose that mom should die. I don't think so but, did I have a influence? Was my life destined to go wrong? Did I have the wrong genes mixed? Im not sure about that. Actually Im not sure about much anymore. All I know is that I miss Logan, but what should I do?

Lost. Confused. Unaware. That's how I feel.


	2. Shocked us all Logan's POV

_I'm with Cokie now, I mean she's fine and all but with her its almost like she expects me to read some smudged scrip, scrolled on my hand like were in a play. This isn't a play its my life. Like when I was with Mary Anne I was myself completely. Now it seems as if I'm a whole new person. Maybe I've changed for the better, but maybe not. _

_With Cokie I've never seen anyone so perfect, every strand of hair is perfectly set, with Mary Anne she knew she didn't need to look a certain way for anybody. I liked that about her, she was unique, but not strange. Although her lack of school spirit bothered me. Mary Anne just was Mary Anne, she wasn't a cheerleader or a nerd, she was just average. Sometimes I miss her, and other times I sit closer to Cokie._

_Look at me now, pouring out my emotions in a journal like Mary-Anne, soon I will start to cry because I stayed out two minutes past curfew. I've decided to just write in this journal the Mary Anne gave me a few months ago, its just a basic blue plaid. Every time I see Mary Anne in the hallways at SMS, she smiling, laughing. Like she doesn't care what people think, Cokie, well she's a different story. One wrong outfit, or a pimple, she would have to hide, like it matters. Cokie is one of those people who hide behind the label of clothes, and make-up._

_I feel like I'm tied up with her, but if I wanted to leave I have had the chance. My feet don't move. I guess she is pretty cool, I mean every guy envoys me, well everyone except for Alan Gray because that guys seriously obsessed with Kristy. _

_What am I saying, I'm totally into Cokie, here I am going on about Mary Anne, when she said I was to clingy because I cared! Her house just got burned down, her best friend/stepsister just moved away, and what did she want me to do. Laugh and walk away? I was the best a boyfriend could've been. Maybe I was a little bit bossy at times. But its not like she ever said anything! Her dad, he was so uptight, and he never let her do anything, god forbid have fun! Sharon she was trying to be so hip, and now, it didn't work, although she was better the Mr. Spier. _

_I was so in love with her, it didn't seem to matter. I mean she was just so sweet, and she was in love with me. Or at least it thought so. She was perfect, she was a bit over emotional, but we all have our flaws. She got super jealous when Cokie would hit on me, but when she would talk to other guys deep down I would be jealous. I just had a different way out getting it out. The thing I loved about her was that if I would talk, she would always listen, and be good at it. If I had something on my mind I wouldn't need a journal, I had Mary Anne. I had told her things I hadn't told anyone. She was always there, she was so sweet. Mary Anne would also confide in me, I haven't told anyone some of the things she told me, and I hope she hasn't told anyone about the things I said. I doubt she would have, she was very sincere._

_Without Mary Anne, I feel that I'm not open with anyone, like I was with her. She wouldn't laugh at me, and she always seemed to understand. I loved her I really did. I did for a long time after, then Cokie came along. At first I wasn't into her and then I began to feel more for her. There are days where I just want to be with her, and then there are days where I can't stand her. Where she's plastic, completely fake._

_That was one thing I didn't have to worry about with Mary Anne, she was always herself. That's what I liked about her. She wasn't afraid of being herself. Sure she was super shy, but one you get through the locks and keys, she a really great girl. Sometimes, I see couples looking so close, and look like their always happy when their together, and it reminds me of how it was with her. We were always happy together, I was always happy with her. Sure we had the moments where we both got really annoyed, but ten minutes later we would talk and everything would me fine._

_I miss that, being able to have someone who I felt 100 my self with, someone who would care. Someone who would act normal around me when she was with her friends or when we were one on one. That's the thing with Cokie, she's really different around her friends. When she's around her friends, she's queen, she's always kissing you, and bragging, and just being so fake. Just to make people jealous. I can't stand that about Cokie. Not at all._

_I want another relationship where I can feel at ease, like I did with Mary Anne. Completely normal. _

_I'm going on about Mary Anne again._

_Now that I've written all this it's just come to me. _

_I'm in love with Mary Anne Spier. I really am!_

_Have I ever stopped liking her, or is this new? I don't know but all I know is that I love Mary Anne Spier! I don't know what to do about these feelings, do I hide them, do I break up with Cokie, do I ask her out? I'm not sure._

_There is one thing I know I'm going to do though. I am going to break up with Cokie Mason._

_I don't know when, or how. But I know that it would be unfair to Cokie if I was going out with her, when clearly I'm in love with Mary Anne._

_I think I am going to go to sleep its past 12 and I have a Baseball meeting before school._

Logan rubbed his eyes, and peered at his digital clock sitting on his bedside table. It glowed the time 9:47. Logan jumped out of bed and got dressed into a pair of blue jeans, and a blue plaid button up t-shirt. He grabbed his bag and ran the way to SMS, he got there ate 9:55, he had 5 minutes of Science left.

He walked into his science class room, and sat down at the closest empty desk, next to Kristy Thomas. "Mr. Bruno, nice of you to grace us with your presence," his science teacher chuckled "We have just finished picking out year long science partners, and since you and Mrs. Spier were not here, you are now lab partners." The bell rang before I could protest, and Kristy just glared at me for some reason.

I met up with Cokie in the halls, she was surrounded by her friends. "Hey Cokie-" I said but was interrupted by her trying to kiss me. I just pushed her away, "I need to talk to you."

We stepped aside, her friends shooting us questioning looks. "Okay—Uh—I don't know how—to Ummm---say this. But I'm breaking up with you." I said waiting for a reply.

"I knew It!," she shrieked "All along you've been cheating on me with that frigid Mary Anne. I am so much better. But You had your chance. You blew it! Big Time!" Cokie stormed off.

About ten minutes later my friends met up with me in the hallways, "I heard you broke up with Cokie." One of them said, "Rumor has it, it was for the frigid bitch Mary Anne." Another one said.

Logan shuddered, although they were in middle school, he still hated it when people swore. Some more of his friends said some remarks and just walked away. Logan felt more alone then ever.

0When the lunch bell rang, Logan didn't know who to sit with. He practically had no one to sit with, he could sit with Alan Gray, but he was sitting at the BSC table. Logan approached the table. "Hi" he said, for one of the first times in his life, Logan Bruno was nervous and shy.


End file.
